Am I In An Abusive relationship?
Signs of Abuse
We believe the Power and Control Wheel is the best model to determine if a person is in an abusive relationship. At the center of the wheel is the ultimate goal of abusers - to exert power and control over victims. The outer ring of the wheel represents the most common way that abusers exert power and control, through the use of both physical violence and sexual violence. The inner sections of the wheel represent other harmful ways that abusers exert power and control over victims. A person experiencing any of these forms of abuse on a regular basis - overt violence or other harmful acts - is in an abusive relationship.
*Abuse is occurring in a relationship when one partner:
- Exerts physical violence: One partner punches, slaps, strangles, hits, bites, kicks, burns, or does anything that causes physical pain to the other.
- Verbal abuse: One partner communicates in a way that is hurtful, threatening, insulting, or demeaning to the other.
- Mistreatment: One partner mistreats the other in a way that does not respect the feelings, thoughts, decisions, opinions, or physical safety of the other.
- Accuses the other of cheating or having an affair when it's not true: The partner who accuses may hurt the other in a physical or verbal way as a result.
- Denies that the abusive actions are abuse: An abusive partner may try to blame the other for the harm he or she is causing or make excuses for abusive actions or minimize the abusive behavior.
- Controls the other: There is no equality in the relationship. One partner makes all decisions for the couple without the other's input.
- Isolates the other partner: One partner controls where the other one goes and who they talk to. They may isolate their partner from family and friends.
- Forces sexual activity or pregnancy: One partner forces the other to have sex or do anything sexually that the other partner does not want to do. One partner may force the other partner to become pregnant.
- Exerts economic control: One partner controls the money and access to resources. Having an open dialogue about finances is not an option. This may include preventing a partner from earning an income or not allowing a partner access to his or her own income.
- Engages in manipulative parenting: One partner uses the child(ren) to gain power and control over the other partner, including telling the child(ren) lies or negative things about the other partner.
